The Tempest. Most of us know at least the basic story: Duke Prospero is usurped, he and his daughter get exiled from his kingdom and end up on an island; twelve years later he conjures a tempest and his enemies end up on the same island; revenge plots and personal growth ensue.
Shakespeare has been done a million times, so if there is a new film version it must be for a reason, right? They must be bringing something modern and exciting to it, right? If I were a film executive, what could I bring to a film of The Tempest that would fit in with the twenty-first century? Make Prospero a woman, Prospera. That will get us some press.
And what do the kids like? CGI! CGI is a gift to a director wanting to portray a character like Ariel, an androgynous spirit of the air. So, we’ll get the lovely Ben Whishaw, make him a little bit see through, give him some breasts for half of the film, and have him run about in the sky. And then, since that’s just a bit too subtle and we want to remind everybody how clever this computer imagery business is, when Prospera is doing her magic we’ll get some of the naffest looking graphics possible, and put Whishaw’s face on a frog, or create some dogs that are even less convincing than the awful monkeys from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and whoosh them out of the end of Prospera’s staff. And then we’ll chuck some songs in, because I don’t think the audience will have cringed enough yet.
There is some good: the Shakespeare bits, obviously. The speeches are delivered beautifully, as one would expect from the likes of Helen Mirren, Tom Conti, and Alfred Molina. Russell Brand does a good impression of Russell Brand. Miranda and Ferdinand are very pretty, though a bit wet. The costumes are pleasingly zippy…
When zippy costumes are one of the best things about a film, I think you know you’re not watching a classic. Our revels now are ended? Thank goodness. I think I’d rather have not gone to the party
Shakespeare has been done a million times, so if there is a new film version it must be for a reason, right? They must be bringing something modern and exciting to it, right? If I were a film executive, what could I bring to a film of The Tempest that would fit in with the twenty-first century? Make Prospero a woman, Prospera. That will get us some press.
And what do the kids like? CGI! CGI is a gift to a director wanting to portray a character like Ariel, an androgynous spirit of the air. So, we’ll get the lovely Ben Whishaw, make him a little bit see through, give him some breasts for half of the film, and have him run about in the sky. And then, since that’s just a bit too subtle and we want to remind everybody how clever this computer imagery business is, when Prospera is doing her magic we’ll get some of the naffest looking graphics possible, and put Whishaw’s face on a frog, or create some dogs that are even less convincing than the awful monkeys from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and whoosh them out of the end of Prospera’s staff. And then we’ll chuck some songs in, because I don’t think the audience will have cringed enough yet.
There is some good: the Shakespeare bits, obviously. The speeches are delivered beautifully, as one would expect from the likes of Helen Mirren, Tom Conti, and Alfred Molina. Russell Brand does a good impression of Russell Brand. Miranda and Ferdinand are very pretty, though a bit wet. The costumes are pleasingly zippy…
When zippy costumes are one of the best things about a film, I think you know you’re not watching a classic. Our revels now are ended? Thank goodness. I think I’d rather have not gone to the party
Original review here
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